A Declaration of War
My “week of preparation” was more of me staring mindlessly into my cell-phone. I had called on my Self last week to prepare for a major sacrifice and undertaking; and requested that I buy my Self a dedicated journal for this process. I absolutely did not do any of that. I had no Will to prepare for anything major because I have been enabling my cell-phone habit since I was eighteen years old. Change? Yeah right! Although my program to win back some of my time was extremely important to me and made public through my social media outlets, I still haven’t really understood what it is that I am asking my Self to do at this current juncture.
What I was asking my Self to do last week was to remember how effective and essential dopamine has become to my day. I get a jolt of lightning delivered straight to my brain when I need it after an exhausting and demanding day at work. I end up needing it! Begging for more! Sneaking a peek at my “likes!” (Makes me want to throw up honestly.) I asked my Self last week to take note of how painful it will be to remove all of those jolts and to experience them 80% less often. I don’t think my mind was able to register that I would be without that blue screen Silicon Valley crack. I think that my psychological vulnerabilities and cravings were laughing at me and my mindful intention. I am going to need to destroy my cravings with an atomic bomb of WILL.
This week (starting on Monday) I will declare war. I will now begin to treat my habitual conditioning as the enemy. My lack of trust in my conditioning will be formally expressed and I will begin replacing time spent scrolling through the news with habits that are more productive. But, how will I replace the nonsense, triviality, ease of comprehension, mindlessness, tempestuous fodder, and major sales? I honestly have absolutely no fucking idea.
If I was to guess, I will need to begin digging trenches for this war in the morning. I must wake up on the right side of my mind. I must remember that while I am still in that groggy morning state, to stay strong when the iPad beckons to me from my desk.
I must remove technology from my desk until I am ready to consciously engage with it!
Voila! Viva los pasos pequeños!
Please Try Peace,
Book I am reading now : The Rape of the Mind — Joost Meerloo